The rays of sunlight began to slip through the blinds as Barry's second waking day as Bernadette began. She hadn't slept. She had been trying to act hazy on the details of everything as not to let Thawne in on the fact she remembered being Barry, so even beyond the simple details of Bernadette's life leading up to the lightning strike, which she genuinely didn't remember, she had to pretend to be hazy on certain details like Iris's job, any details of Bernadette's social life, and even the layout in her childhood home. She attempted to gather some idea of what Bernadette's life had been life, she was born later than Barry, so her pool of pop culture references wouldn't even be the same. She'd probably think Barry was lame. Or whack. Or whatever girls her age said.
After she'd run out of tears to shed and deciding she wasn't getting any sleep during the night, she started going through her old things, pictures with Nora and Henry - Mom and Dad - before her family was torn apart. Bernadette young, happy, wearing a ballet tutu outside of a school. She began to thumb through the photo album, watching Berni grow up and live a life, then see the immediate change after her family was torn apart, she looked so sad, sitting with Eobard at a diner, a goth phase that objectively, kind of worked for Berni. Graduation, first day at college. An entire section dedicated to prom, filled with photos of Berni in a black dress and a red flannel with black combat boots. She was posing with her date, who Berni recognized as Hartley Rathaway, the Pied Piper. She couldn't remember anything that happened with him, but she felt a slight sadness at the image, as if her brain still remembered to react to him that way, even if it could no longer recall why it was sad. He was a good kid, though Berni supposed Hartley was her peer now, whose family disowned him for being gay and he turned to a life of crime. Maybe Berni helped run cover to throw his parents off of the scent. She then turned the page and saw them in their same prom outfits, sharing a not-exactly-passionate kiss outside of a rented limo, Berni quickly closed the book and hoped that fake kiss was all they had done. She noticed that the cover read "Bernadette Thawne, a life in photos by E.O. Thawne" He gave himself a credit on a photo album, she had seen him do some egomaniacal things, but this one was a little surprising.
Lost in thought, trying not to feel guilt over assuming the face and life of someone that felt so different from the person she used to be, Berni tried to remind herself that this was in fact her. Everything before her consciousness caught up with her was just autopilot, everything she's done is what Barry would have done in similar circumstances. She missed her Mom just the same, she wanted justice for her Dad just the same, she wanted to help and to protect people just the same. She heard the door close and quickly made her way to the window to watch Thawne drive off to work for the day before going back to browsing her room, finding a pile of well-worn, frequently-read letters from Henry Allen in her dresser, still addressed to Bernadette Allen, not Bernadette Thawne. That was too much right now, she couldn't read those. She fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling as the door opened to see Iris, as beautiful as ever. She never looked bad in the morning, never looked stressed or tried even when Barry knew for a fact she was very stressed and very tired. She smiled at Berni, Berni smiled back, but Iris's smile was short-lived.
"Berni, baby. You look terrible. Did you sleep at all?" She asked.
"I just slept for like 6 months, I think I'm good." Berni wondered where that sass came from, then looked worried that she'd offend Iris. But she rolled her eyes and told her to get ready so they could visit Henry. Berni remembered that she had to work her selective haziness around Iris and not just Thawne. "This is kind of embarrassing..." Berni sighed. "I don't remember where the bathroom is..." Iris gave a caring laugh that made Berni feel pitiful and helpless, but remembering that this timeline is the one where she's still breathing, so Berni was grateful.
The Flash had faced many things, multiple Armageddon events, vicious criminals, literal aliens. She knew that her current situation wasn't the most harrowing or debilitating challenge she'd ever faced, not by a longshot, but in the moment it felt like it was. She locked the bathroom door and looked at the fresh change of clothes sitting on the counter, watching the stranger in the mirror start to undress. She tried to close her eyes as the clothes left her body and she hesitated to either look or touch the foreign body. She started the water and stepped into the shower, easing herself into opening her eyes. She looked down while holding her breath for a reason she couldn't articulate or justify. It wasn't the view she was used to taking in when looking down, her hands found her chest, where before there were hard, if slightly hairy, pecs. But now there were two soft, sensitive mounds that rippled when touched. She looked around the back of herself, still cupping her chest. Seeing the curves that came natural to the feminine form, and maybe with a little help from the Speed Force, regular exercise, or perhaps both, a little extra shape. "Whoa" she muttered as the apprehension she'd felt at first faded, though she was still nervous to explore the absence between her legs.
After washing up and the extended, absent look she took at the whole picture in the mirror, Berni was in her robe and making eye contact with herself once more. Despite the various differences she'd noticed and waded into exploring in the shower, the most off-putting part was still the stranger's face staring back at her. She wondered why she would pick a robe like this, they were supposed to be the same person, but a pink unicorn robe seemed very out of the realm of something Barry would choose. Then again, Berni probably wouldn't carve out certain weekends in her schedule to make Hal, Clark, and Bruce play tabletop RPGs with her. Though she could see Hal still going along with it if a pretty girl asked, she shuddered at the image she didn't want to think about. She dried off the rest of the way and put on her outfit for the day, she wasn't sure if she'd ever get used to the panties, there was just so little there. After assuring that none of her clothes were backward or inside out, she came to another pause as she realized something: She didn't know how to do her hair or make-up.
Iris was more than happy to rush into the bathroom with a chair from the kitchen and sit Berni down as she spread out various products and make-ups. She looked ecstatic as she started showing Berni the ins-and-outs, she even said that when E.O. told her that he had a Daughter on their first date, she envisioned someone younger than 21, someone she could teach about make-up, hair, boys. She backtracked to apologize and clarify that she was just excited. Berni didn't want to take that from her, Iris loved her. Not the way she loved Barry, but she really did care.
"Yeah, I always wanted a Mom to teach me that stuff too..." A tear welled up in Iris's eye as Berni quickly added "Not about the boys part though. Please." She took a deep breath and tried to take notes so she wouldn't have to ask for help with this again.
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